My Holiday Diary

Friday

Mr Litlove and I make surprisingly good time up the motorway to Yorkshire. In fact we cover 160 of the 170 miles in a couple of hours. We then spend another hour on the final ten miles, which are of course in the blazing sun as we crawl through two small towns where the traffic is monumentally held up by nothing more than red lights on crossroads. When we reach Ilkley, we have a classic marital moment: the directions to the holiday house, despite being prominently placed on top of all the luggage, have somehow ended up in the boot of the car. I want to stop and fetch them, whilst Mr Litlove is determined that his all-singing all-dancing smart phone will navigate for us and is trying to key the necessary information in while driving. In the end we get so hopelessly lost that we are forced to stop. I instantly leap from the car and scoot around the back, while Mr Litlove is typing as fast as his thumbs will let him. In consequence he drives to the cottage with the directions coming at him in stereo.

The road up to the tiny hamlet where we are staying is incredible – long, very narrow, one car width only with the occasional passing place, and then we start to climb. The last half mile is up the sort of incline that makes you feel that car might just grind to a halt then start to roll backwards, and it winds between the paint-scraping stone walls of the houses clinging to the hill. I am thinking we will get up here and possibly never get out again. The cottage when we arrive is adorable, however, and the view across the valley breathtaking.

Saturday

That first expansive day of holiday spreads out before us and it is crackingly hot. We spend most of the day hopping out onto the patio (the slabs are almost too hot to walk on) and sitting under the parasol with our books, before deciding we are simply too hot even in the shade and retreating back within the thick stone walls of the cottage. It is so long since we had a heatwave in Britain that I had forgotten that odd feeling of being overcooked and breathless.

I spend the day finishing off a book I was already reading, the last in the series of John Dunning novels about his antiquarian book dealer, Cliff Janeway. I could see why it was the last – what a flaccid, overpadded excuse for a novel. The early ones in this series were great; lots of interesting information about the book world and sharp stories, even if Janeway was always a bit of a pain in the backside. The title of this final one is: The Bookwoman’s Last Fling. I tell you so you can avoid it.

In the early evening we venture out at last, although it doesn’t seem to have cooled down any. But food is necessary and so we visit the supermarket recommended by our hosts, which is called Booth’s. It’s a small chain, only available in the north of the country, and it’s utterly gorgeous. The fact that I have fallen instantly in love with a supermarket is almost as disturbing as the fact that Mr Litlove and I keep finding ourselves discussing the garden. Note to self: I really need to get out more and have some adventures; maybe I should take a toy boy lover or mastermind a small criminal network?

Sunday

After having been so slovenly yesterday we decide to get up bright and early(ish) and go for a walk. This is a new thing with me, going for walks. I have historically never been very gifted at enjoying them. But I am determined to exercise more and walking is so very good for you, and here we are on holiday with a new location to explore.

We start out walking around the hamlet, which business is concluded in two minutes. A parliament of neighbours has gathered to chat in the steep street and so we ask which way we should go. Much debate ensues. Eventually we set off on a countryside path that leads us inevitably into a field. The thing that bothers me about walking through fields is that it takes an awfully long time for the view to change. Not that I can look around much, in any case, not if I want to avoid the sheep dung and cow pats and goodness only knows what other kinds of fecal matter that are liberally spread across the path. When we swap the grazing field for an arable one, things are different but not exactly better. I am wearing sandals and mown hay has a cheeky habit of poking through the straps and needling a person’s bare feet. The best that can be said for the environment is that it is blessed by a fresh wind – of the kind that is almost a raging gale.

We cross the stile and take a different path, and this leads us happily to a road. Except of course it is the road where the helpful neighbours are still standing around chatting. Unsurprisingly, as we have managed to complete their course in about ten minutes. ‘What do we do?’ whispers Mr Litlove. ‘Won’t it be embarrassing to have to walk past them?’ I vote that we brazen it out, given the only alternative is to retreat to the fields again. So we stroll past, trying to look friendly and grateful while the neighbours assure us it is quite delightful on the top of the moor (no thank you) and then we are once again heading down the one in three gradient that makes me feel like I am about to kick the backs of my own legs. We take a different road at the bottom and find it unexpectedly busy with cyclists whizzing past every few minutes, clad in lycra that gleams in the sun. I eye the banks of monster nettles on either side of the road with some alarm, as I can see myself having to leap out of the way for safety at any moment and do not like the look of my options.

But the road is blessed with houses, and these I find infinitely more interesting to look at. They are good houses, too, every one different and stylish and intriguing. It’s fun to ponder how much they all cost, and to try to spy in their windows and courtyards without getting caught. But still, you know, we’re running out of houses, and small country lanes bordered with big banks of nettles hold only so much interest.

‘You know what would make this perfect right now?’ I ask Mr Litlove.

‘What?’

‘If we rounded that corner and came upon a bookshop.’

He shakes his head, though he’s smiling. ‘You are hopeless.’

I know! It’s true! I only really like walking to a bookshop and around a bookshop and home again with my books. It’s no good; I can take or leave the fields and the lanes and the rest of it. We walk back up towards the hamlet and sit for a bit in the shelter built for the poor postman who used to make twice daily deliveries in the surrounding area. The man must have been a saint – and a very, very fit one. The shelter is a nice thought, but I expect he might have preferred to be parachuted in at the top of the hill and then given a lift home at the bottom.

To Be Continued!

24 thoughts on “My Holiday Diary

  1. Doesn’t sound hopeless at all. I’d have been thinking that.

    It would have been even better if the bookshop had come with a side order of a cup of tea and a bit of cake. That way I’d have been rewarded twice over for the walk.

    • Well that sounds like a perfect arrangement! If you feel like setting up in the tea-and-cake business I can give you the coordinate points for an ideal location!🙂 So glad to know it’s not just me!

  2. I was going to say how glad I was that you’d had a lovely holiday, but then I realised you hadn’t exactly said that. I hope it was, though.

    When you mentioned making a pilgrimage to a bookshop and returning to enjoy the fruits of it, I was reminded strongly of my own childhood version. During the hols, I used to like nothing more than cycling to Ipswich Library, borrowing the maximum 6 books, stuffing them in my saddlebag and riding back again to spend most of the day in field in rural Suffolk, where I would spend hours with my back against a tree, racing through whatever I’d borrowed. Happy hours!

    • Oh it was lovely! I just can’t help but be a tease.😉 I love your comment and the images it brings to mind – I used to spend all my summer holidays on the saggy sun lounger working my way through masses of books. Looking forward enormously to seeing you on the weekend, btw.

  3. I feel as if I’m in a novel. Lord so different to my Costa Brava trilogy. But I do understand the – not get a map and speed up when lost scenario – ooh and asking for help whilst driving shows weakness?
    I love the ‘parliament of neighbours’. having just learnt that it’s a labour of moles I’m up for adding to my collection.
    Welcome home. I look forward to Part Two.

    • Mrs C, I thought your tales of Spain were just hilarious – you are such an amusing storyteller. The getting directions thing never becomes easier, does it? There’s a good joke about the Israelites being lost in the wilderness because Moses wouldn’t stop and ask the way…. I am also a big fan of collective nouns. There are whole websites of them online! let joy be unconfined!

  4. Sounds delightful. Were you in the Dales? I also like the sound of a bookshop which has a cafe attached. Did you find one? I’m loving the travelogue so far!

    • We were near Ilkley, which is relatively close to Harrogate and north of Leeds. I did find a bookshop eventually, though it was in the town rather than in our local vicinity, alas! But hey, a bookshop is a bookshop and I’m not about to quibble.🙂

  5. Oh my goodness Litlove, you should have put a warning up top! I’m reading this at work and had to keep suppressing giggles so I wouldn’t get caught but ended up sounding like I was choking. No one has asked me if I am ok. I wonder if I should worry about that?

    • Bless you, dear Stef. A friend is someone who laughs at your jokes, I think.🙂 But also someone who will perform the Heimlich maneuver if necessary…. I daresay the general quiet of the library prevented anyone from rushing to check on you. If you actually choke, slam your hand on the desk at the same time. That might help!

    • I think we do have a photo somewhere – we haven’t downloaded them from Mr Litlove’s phone yet. As for the supermarket, it’s reprehensible, I know!

  6. Poor Mr. Litlove – nobody here is going to be on his side! We’d all like to happen across a bookshop too. I love city walking (NYC and London are my faves) but I’m not much of a nature walker — the seawall in Vancouver is a perfect compromise, as you have the ocean on one side and the city on the other (with tea and books as needed).

    • Rohan, that seawall sounds perfect! I left the holiday convinced that walking only works if you have the right thing to look at. I think I would much prefer city walking too – not least for the likely incidence of bookshops!

    • Jenny you have the best notions! Wouldn’t that be great? The blog is such a necessary counterpart to the crime. Surely Mr Litlove would understand if I explained that it was for the purposes of blogging?

  7. Oh this was SO much fun to read! I was grinning the whole way and some bits just made me LOL.

    “all-singing all-dancing smart phone” in particular is just awesome – I am so using it whenever my husband whips out his smart phone to solve all our problems!

  8. Walking is infinitely more agreeable if you either have an interesting and varied view or a really good destination to look forward to! Your stories always make me chuckle–did you tsk, tsk Mr Litlove for messing with his iphone while driving? I’m not talented enough to mess about with smartphones–I can barely dash off a text on my paltry little tracphone. Sounds like the start of your vacation was a good one!

    • I did indeed reproach Mr Litlove! We were not travelling very fast, but even so! And yes, your thoughts on walking coincide with mine exactly. I usually don’t have the breath for conversation, so it’s got to be about the landscape.🙂

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