Hello dear blogging friends, and many apologies for my abrupt and unheralded departure last week. I’ve been having a little health nightmare, caused by what began as a mild infection that simply would not go away. I thought I’d got rid of it twice just by resting and taking care of myself, only to have it come back. Then I took some antibiotics; the first set gave me a violently adverse reaction, which was no fun. And the second lot, after seeming to start work, only exacerbated the infection which then returned worse than before.
At this point, I’m afraid to say I lost it, quite spectacularly.
I thought I’d been good and well-behaved and tolerant and that I deserved to be healthy again, which was the angry side of the coin, with sheer terror that this infection was actually never going to go away on the other. This was Friday evening, on the brink of a four-day holiday weekend which ought to have been a pleasure, but which was looking like a desert of doctors, chemists and help. Now, I knew really, with the small sensible part of my brain, that I would be okay. But I triggered my anxiety, that old enemy from whom I have been enjoying a lengthy break. And so the next two nights found me fighting panic attacks, which were even more unreasonable since I’d been improving health-wise, since stopping those last antibiotics and taking a herbal medicine route. Why is it that these primitive parts of the brain can short-circuit all the intelligent sophisticated parts? How do I prevent this happening again? Because after having felt mildly but quite tolerably under the weather, I now felt gruesome, having poisoned myself with excess adrenaline.
So I am resting now and waiting to feel human again. And I’m telling myself there are things to learn from this, particularly about practising calm in tricky situations. Thank you to all who have left fantastically interesting and thought-provoking comments on the previous blog. I will respond as soon as I’m back on my feet again. Do hope you are all having a great time, whatever this finds you doing. I’ll be back to blogging as soon as I’m able, but probably not before the end of the week.