Five Fatal Flaws

This is inspired by mandarine, although it is slightly different to his version, given that it is not a meme. If you say so, mandarine!

Being Seduced By Things That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

I could have called this by many different names, like never learning from experience, or my catastrophic time management, or the inability to say no, but none were quite precise enough. Underneath my worst motorway pile-up moments is always an idea or an opportunity that looked so tempting I was blind to its disadvantages. I’ve never been able to refuse a book project, or a conference invitation in the past because I could always think of a reason why I ought to take them on. The principle of ‘never refuse an opportunity’ is fine if you’re bionic, but not so great if you are a limited human being. I suppose fundamentally I’m just a terrible strategist.

Curiosity

There’s a motto that goes, if you think you’re not going to like the answer, don’t ask the question. I beg your pardon? Does not compute. I’ve never been able to sensibly stay away from any kind of dimly-lit danger zone in which shadows restlessly flit. I also like to wake sleeping dogs and stir murky waters. The justification for all this is that it is better to live in troubled awareness rather than ignorant bliss, or, in other words, I like to keep my eye on the monsters. This is not always the route to a laid-back easy life with plenty of peace of mind, however.

Excessiveness

This is the one that generally gets my mother going. I have to admit that I have never been much good at economizing my resources. Why put in a hundred percent effort when it might be possible to give one hundred and fifty? Why think about two ideas if you could take on twenty? Once you get beyond a limit point of what seems reasonable or sufficient, the whole notion of calculating becomes irrelevant. But I have big emotions, too, and grand plans, and what I love, I love with my whole, over-excitable heart. Having said all of this, there are many ways in which I am very restrained. But there is equally a certain consistency with which I take the brakes off. I cannot help but feel that it’s in that little bit extra that something interesting starts to happen.

Tenacity

You would think this was a good thing, right? Wrong. Not the way I do it. There’s a quotation I love from W. C. Fields that says, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. But then give up. No point in being a damn fool about it. If you want me to give up on a thing you have to forcibly take it away from me. I remember making the decision as quite a young child that I would not be defeated easily, and it’s kind of solidified into one of the guidelines I run along. This would be fine if, in the process of solidification it hadn’t metamorphosed into, I will not be defeated, full stop. If something isn’t working, I just assume I’m not trying hard enough, and I throw a bit more energy at it. I ought to pin banners around my house that say ‘Some Things Aren’t Meant To Be’. Not sure I’d believe them, though.

Not Saying What I Want

Add to this it’s near relative: not saying what I feel. On the one hand there’s the issue of complicity. What other people want comes first. But beyond that there’s a kind of intrinsic desire to be private, to think that it might be better not to say anything, less dangerously revelatory, less placing myself perilously on show. In fact there are few situations where it isn’t entirely helpful for all parties to put their cards on the table and just state what they want. It makes all forms of organization so much easier. As for saying what you feel, well, once again, it can be tremendously liberating, if done with some grace and diplomacy. I do try and be more upfront but I find it entirely tied to the people I’m with. There’s a tiny number of people I trust enough to tell them what I’m really thinking, but woe betide anyone who isn’t listening when I make my declarations; I’ll clam up in a second and probably not risk another personal statement for the next twenty years.

 I could go on at some length, but these are the top five self-crippling strategies I employ, you understand.  There are many others.